First, let me ask you to consider what you believe is necessary to ensuring a lasting relationship?
When I took a poll (brief poll amongst my girlfriends), I received some of the following responses:
While all of these things are components that support healthy relationships, know that people start and end relationships all the time without any of these things.
When trying to ensure a lasting relationship, you truly only need one thing and that is ATTRACTION.
Yes that's right, the answer is ATTRACTION.
There are tons of people who enter relationships without understanding love, in the absence of sex, with poor communication skills, trust issues, no spiritual guidance or foundation and in the absence of truth. But when they enter in that relationship in the absence of those things, they can still be attracted to that individual.
Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means saying the aforementioned components aren't necessary, because they are, but what I am saying that you don't get the desire to do those things in a relationship in the absence of attraction.
And I know some people define attraction by how good sex is, or because someone trusts them or is honest with them, but frankly that is not attraction.
There are 4 types of attraction that we don't realize are keys to relationships. I think that understanding the role of attraction is important to understanding how and why a relationship will or will not work.
So here are the 4 types of attraction important to ensuring lasting relationships:
Physical attraction is the first level of attraction and is the degree of which you find an individual physically desirable. More specifically, attraction to external attributes, eye color, hair, beard, physique, swag, style, etc. Each of these are physical characteristics that you must find appealing in order to encounter a desire to pursue a relationship.
Sexual attraction is the second level of attraction, and is the chemistry between two people that evoke sexual intercourse. The desire to engage sexually speaks to deeper level of physical connection/attraction. Sexual chemistry is beyond looks, it is a level of arousal where you desire a more intimate connection.
Social attraction is the third level of attraction in which you become attracted to how your partner or significant other engages with others and is perceived by others as attractive.
For the sake of understanding, consider the following scenario:
You finally get the courage to introduce your partner to your friends. You all are out at a bar, and you can't help but pay attention to everyone's reaction to your significant other. You focus on how your friends respond, and the degree of which your significant other is received. How he/she is received ultimately increases your attraction to your significant other. Essentially, the more your significant other is accepted, the more attracted you become.
Social attraction brings you one step closer to being unconditionally comfortable with your partner in both intimate and social settings. It also allows for you to become more attracted to your partner, on a level where he/she is beginning to retain all of your attention.
Intrapersonal attraction is the fourth level of attraction where you develop a bond between your significant other through the mind. When youall relate to one another and can be physically and emotionally
stimulated through conversation alone, you have reached or achieved
Each of these levels can be achieved in varying orders. It really just depends on the person and what gravitates them to another person.
Marriages last 20+ years because of attraction. No matter how mad one may become with his/her spouse, if they look at one another they may easily forget the issue because of attraction, or decide it is not worth it.
Everything you need in a relationship, you have the desire to obtain because of attraction.
And when you have attained each level of attraction, it's safe to say you're not going anywhere...